MONA AND THE CAT
[We see a dimly lit room, roughly furnished with papers, books, and empty bags of cat litter. Stage right sits an oversized lumpy green chair, and next to it a roughed up old lamp. On the opposite side of the chair sits a small table, with two bottles of wine, one is emptied. Cats are everywhere.]
[An elderly lady walks across stage left to the green chair, and sits down with a sigh, in it. Her favorite cat Pumpkin runs up to her and jumps in her lap]
MONA
Why hello dear, come to see your mommy? Oh you cutie pahtootie, my little shnookums, oh good kitty, good…
[She continues to mumble soothing words to the cat]
PUMPKIN
Meow, meow…
[Mona begins to pet the cat and it starts to purr earnestly]
MONA
Oh Pumpkin, how are you today? How’s mommy’s precious?
[She reaches to the side of the chair she is sitting in, and pulls out a baby’s bonnet and puts it on the fat cat]
MONA
See how cute you are now? You look so pretty don’t you? Oh yes! Oh yes…
[Mona picks up the more full wine bottle and takes a long swig]
PUMPKIN
Meow... Purr
MONA
Well you know Pumpkin; mommy is not doing so well lately…
[Beginning to sound upset]
I just feel so alone Pumpkin, after all that has happened, and I just don’t know what to do. Well at least you have stuck by me for so long. We’ve never had problems have we shnookums?
[She picks up the wine bottle and takes another long swig, gulping rudely]
PUMPKIN
[meowing starts to sound agitated and annoyed]
Meow.. hiss..
MONA
Do you remember when daddy got run over by that pickle cart in the subway station? You do, don’t you shnookums? [Sniffling] Well mommy is having a pretty rough time still…
PUMKIN
Meow…
MONA
[She starts to get more emotional]
Oh why me? Why pickles? Why ANYTHING?! Why did he have to go down there in the subway? I told him it was DANGEROUS!! You agree with me don’t you Pumpkin?
PUMPKIN
[Looks up from her lap where he is seated, quietly, almost indistinct]
Shut up lady.
MONA
[in utter shock]
Excuse me? Did you say something??
PUMPKIN
[Again, in a mobster-like voice]
I said SHUT UP LADY! Some of us are trying to sleep here!
MONA
You can talk?! A cat, you’re talking to me?! MY CAT?! That’s not even so much surprising as YOU USUALLY ARE SO SWEET! What happened?!
PUMPKIN
[Slightly agitated]
Well of course I can talk, or are your ears not hearin’ straight? And I only pretend to be cute and sweet, but I have had it, you are pushin it lady. Oh don’t act so surprised, and don’t misjudge my sarcasm for genuine kindness, because it is not!
MONA
[Still in disbelief]
I just can’t BELIVE you can talk! I really can’t believe it, and I must say for a fluffy orange fur-ball you sure are rude!
PUMPKIN
[Sarcastically]
You’re the one who sits in her apartment all day, talking to your 50 cats, telling them the same story about when your husband died, EVERY SINGLE DAY and you think I have problems?!
[he scoffs and jumps off the chair]
[We hear a knock at the door, and two women enter Doris and the Nurse. One is elderly, a good friend of Mona’s, the other is a meals on wheels assistant/Nurse.]
DORIS
Why hello Mona! And how are you today my good friend? [Referring to the clutter of the room] Oh I see you have not left this room in days.
MONA
Oh, Doris it is so good to see you as well! But you will not ever believe what has happened!
DORIS
[With concern]
What is it?
MONA
You won’t believe me in a thousand years! No wait, a hundred thousand, no wait!! TWO hundred thousand-
NURSE
[Cutting them off]
Well here you go ladies, Chicken Stew, and Mashed Potatoes.
DORIS
Well go on Mona, I’m not getting any younger here! What happened?
MONA
Well I was just sitting here-
DORIS
And??
MONA
Well, like I was saying, I was sitting here and-
DORIS
And then what?! Spit it out!
MONA
OH WILL YOU PLEASE LET ME FINISH?
DORIS
[Embarrassed at cutting of her friend]
Sorry…
MONA
So, I was sitting here, telling Pumpkin about my day, and he just started talking!!
DORIS
Really?
MONA
YES!
NURSE
[Quietly pulling Doris aside]
Uh, she hears her cats? Is she alright? I have heard her go off on some of her antics before, but this I must say is the farthest stretch of the imagination she has come up with in all the years we have been working together.
DORIS
[Laughing]
Oh I just have to go along with her sometimes…
NURSE
Well I suppose this is the best time to say this as ever. I have been asked by a few of Mona’s doctors to come back tomorrow and further evaluate her to see if she needs to be admitted into the Meadowbrook Facility.
DORIS
[Shocked]
The insane asylum?!
NURSE
No, no it is a facility, for those who need support. We don’t call them insane asylums anymore dear, it is not polite.
DORIS
[remembering she was talking to Mona as well]
Oh, well don’t worry; my birds speak to me all the time! In fact, they SING!
MONA
[Surprised]
Oh really?? Good, I thought I had maybe mixed my medication wrong today. And the fact that he talks isn’t as much as a shock as HOW RUDE HE IS!
NURSE
[Heading towards the door]
Well Mona, I will be coming by again tomorrow, ok, around nine? I’ll leave you ladies to your gossip.
MONA
[To the Nurse]
Ok well see you tom…
[Mona’s voice fades out, as the Nurse hears something else]
PUMPKIN
Ha ha, you can hear me too can’t you?
[We see the nurse pick up her belongings and head for the door once more]
PUMPKIN
Hey food lady, are you gonna jet before feeding me?
NURSE
[Muttering to herself]
Oh my, I must be working too much lately; I am starting to hear CATS talking!
[To Mona and Doris] Well goodbye ladies!
[door slams]
DORIS
Well now that we are alone, how are you honestly Mona? I need to know because the Nurse just informed me of something kind of scary dear. Its about tomorrows plans- she said she is being sent by Meadowbrook to evaluate you, so… I would shape up a bit , and not mention anything about your cat talking again…
MONA
[Sipping her last bit of wine]
Fine. But wait, evaluate me for what? Anyways, Doris, I really heard Pumpkin start talking!
DORIS
Yes, yes dear, but seriously the asylum will snatch you up right quick if you keep that talk up. Now I think you’ve had a bit too much to drink, I am just going to slip out now, and you can take a rest and then maybe-
MONA
[Getting upset again]
But no Doris, REALLY!
DORIS
Yes, yes dear, I will stop by again tomorrow, after your meeting. Now just remember what I said, maybe we’ll meet for lunch?
PUMPKIN
[To Mona, maniacally]
Ha ha, they all think you’re crazy huh? They are gonna take you away aren’t they? You ARE a crazy old coot, imagining me talking-
MONA
[To Pumpkin]
SHUT UP CAT!!
[To Doris]
Didn’t you just hear that?! Didn’t you hear it?!?
DORIS
[Heading towards the door, ignoring Mona’s imagination]
Alright, THAT’S ENOUGH! Just keep in check for tomorrow, and be careful. You don’t want them to lock you up in one of those straight jackets do you? I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy, no I wouldn’t. Well, let’s meet tomorrow for lunch, ok? What do you say to Old Country Buffet? At noon?
MONA
[Pleadingly]
BUT DORIS!!
DORIS
Ok, sounds good, see you tomorrow, noon it is. Goodbye now!
[We see Doris exit stage left, and Mona slumps down into her green chair even further]
PUMPKIN
Well, lady, your friends can’t hear me, and maybe you are crazy, you know…
[As Pumpkin continues to babble Mona drifts off into a deep slumber]
[Blackout]
[We see Mona stir slightly as she begins to wake, her precious cat Pumpkin still in her lap]
MONA
[Glances at the clock. Its red somber letters read 8:54 am]
Well, wasn’t that a splendid dream? Oh you never would imagine, Pumpkin, you could talk and oh, it was so strange! Then the Nurse came by and oh so did Doris, and she made up this most wonderful tale about taking me to the insane asylum! Me! Oh can you imagine? She said the Nurse was to meet me here at nine, oh how silly. I will never drink that much before bed again!
[Pumpkin jumps off her lap and begins to walk away. Just as he does, we hear the doorbell ring, and a sharp knock on the door.]
NURSE
[through the door]
Hello? Mona, are you here? I am here for our meeting!
PUMPKIN
[Quietly, almost non coherent again]
Oh shut up you crazy lady!
[We see a dimly lit room, roughly furnished with papers, books, and empty bags of cat litter. Stage right sits an oversized lumpy green chair, and next to it a roughed up old lamp. On the opposite side of the chair sits a small table, with two bottles of wine, one is emptied. Cats are everywhere.]
[An elderly lady walks across stage left to the green chair, and sits down with a sigh, in it. Her favorite cat Pumpkin runs up to her and jumps in her lap]
MONA
Why hello dear, come to see your mommy? Oh you cutie pahtootie, my little shnookums, oh good kitty, good…
[She continues to mumble soothing words to the cat]
PUMPKIN
Meow, meow…
[Mona begins to pet the cat and it starts to purr earnestly]
MONA
Oh Pumpkin, how are you today? How’s mommy’s precious?
[She reaches to the side of the chair she is sitting in, and pulls out a baby’s bonnet and puts it on the fat cat]
MONA
See how cute you are now? You look so pretty don’t you? Oh yes! Oh yes…
[Mona picks up the more full wine bottle and takes a long swig]
PUMPKIN
Meow... Purr
MONA
Well you know Pumpkin; mommy is not doing so well lately…
[Beginning to sound upset]
I just feel so alone Pumpkin, after all that has happened, and I just don’t know what to do. Well at least you have stuck by me for so long. We’ve never had problems have we shnookums?
[She picks up the wine bottle and takes another long swig, gulping rudely]
PUMPKIN
[meowing starts to sound agitated and annoyed]
Meow.. hiss..
MONA
Do you remember when daddy got run over by that pickle cart in the subway station? You do, don’t you shnookums? [Sniffling] Well mommy is having a pretty rough time still…
PUMKIN
Meow…
MONA
[She starts to get more emotional]
Oh why me? Why pickles? Why ANYTHING?! Why did he have to go down there in the subway? I told him it was DANGEROUS!! You agree with me don’t you Pumpkin?
PUMPKIN
[Looks up from her lap where he is seated, quietly, almost indistinct]
Shut up lady.
MONA
[in utter shock]
Excuse me? Did you say something??
PUMPKIN
[Again, in a mobster-like voice]
I said SHUT UP LADY! Some of us are trying to sleep here!
MONA
You can talk?! A cat, you’re talking to me?! MY CAT?! That’s not even so much surprising as YOU USUALLY ARE SO SWEET! What happened?!
PUMPKIN
[Slightly agitated]
Well of course I can talk, or are your ears not hearin’ straight? And I only pretend to be cute and sweet, but I have had it, you are pushin it lady. Oh don’t act so surprised, and don’t misjudge my sarcasm for genuine kindness, because it is not!
MONA
[Still in disbelief]
I just can’t BELIVE you can talk! I really can’t believe it, and I must say for a fluffy orange fur-ball you sure are rude!
PUMPKIN
[Sarcastically]
You’re the one who sits in her apartment all day, talking to your 50 cats, telling them the same story about when your husband died, EVERY SINGLE DAY and you think I have problems?!
[he scoffs and jumps off the chair]
[We hear a knock at the door, and two women enter Doris and the Nurse. One is elderly, a good friend of Mona’s, the other is a meals on wheels assistant/Nurse.]
DORIS
Why hello Mona! And how are you today my good friend? [Referring to the clutter of the room] Oh I see you have not left this room in days.
MONA
Oh, Doris it is so good to see you as well! But you will not ever believe what has happened!
DORIS
[With concern]
What is it?
MONA
You won’t believe me in a thousand years! No wait, a hundred thousand, no wait!! TWO hundred thousand-
NURSE
[Cutting them off]
Well here you go ladies, Chicken Stew, and Mashed Potatoes.
DORIS
Well go on Mona, I’m not getting any younger here! What happened?
MONA
Well I was just sitting here-
DORIS
And??
MONA
Well, like I was saying, I was sitting here and-
DORIS
And then what?! Spit it out!
MONA
OH WILL YOU PLEASE LET ME FINISH?
DORIS
[Embarrassed at cutting of her friend]
Sorry…
MONA
So, I was sitting here, telling Pumpkin about my day, and he just started talking!!
DORIS
Really?
MONA
YES!
NURSE
[Quietly pulling Doris aside]
Uh, she hears her cats? Is she alright? I have heard her go off on some of her antics before, but this I must say is the farthest stretch of the imagination she has come up with in all the years we have been working together.
DORIS
[Laughing]
Oh I just have to go along with her sometimes…
NURSE
Well I suppose this is the best time to say this as ever. I have been asked by a few of Mona’s doctors to come back tomorrow and further evaluate her to see if she needs to be admitted into the Meadowbrook Facility.
DORIS
[Shocked]
The insane asylum?!
NURSE
No, no it is a facility, for those who need support. We don’t call them insane asylums anymore dear, it is not polite.
DORIS
[remembering she was talking to Mona as well]
Oh, well don’t worry; my birds speak to me all the time! In fact, they SING!
MONA
[Surprised]
Oh really?? Good, I thought I had maybe mixed my medication wrong today. And the fact that he talks isn’t as much as a shock as HOW RUDE HE IS!
NURSE
[Heading towards the door]
Well Mona, I will be coming by again tomorrow, ok, around nine? I’ll leave you ladies to your gossip.
MONA
[To the Nurse]
Ok well see you tom…
[Mona’s voice fades out, as the Nurse hears something else]
PUMPKIN
Ha ha, you can hear me too can’t you?
[We see the nurse pick up her belongings and head for the door once more]
PUMPKIN
Hey food lady, are you gonna jet before feeding me?
NURSE
[Muttering to herself]
Oh my, I must be working too much lately; I am starting to hear CATS talking!
[To Mona and Doris] Well goodbye ladies!
[door slams]
DORIS
Well now that we are alone, how are you honestly Mona? I need to know because the Nurse just informed me of something kind of scary dear. Its about tomorrows plans- she said she is being sent by Meadowbrook to evaluate you, so… I would shape up a bit , and not mention anything about your cat talking again…
MONA
[Sipping her last bit of wine]
Fine. But wait, evaluate me for what? Anyways, Doris, I really heard Pumpkin start talking!
DORIS
Yes, yes dear, but seriously the asylum will snatch you up right quick if you keep that talk up. Now I think you’ve had a bit too much to drink, I am just going to slip out now, and you can take a rest and then maybe-
MONA
[Getting upset again]
But no Doris, REALLY!
DORIS
Yes, yes dear, I will stop by again tomorrow, after your meeting. Now just remember what I said, maybe we’ll meet for lunch?
PUMPKIN
[To Mona, maniacally]
Ha ha, they all think you’re crazy huh? They are gonna take you away aren’t they? You ARE a crazy old coot, imagining me talking-
MONA
[To Pumpkin]
SHUT UP CAT!!
[To Doris]
Didn’t you just hear that?! Didn’t you hear it?!?
DORIS
[Heading towards the door, ignoring Mona’s imagination]
Alright, THAT’S ENOUGH! Just keep in check for tomorrow, and be careful. You don’t want them to lock you up in one of those straight jackets do you? I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy, no I wouldn’t. Well, let’s meet tomorrow for lunch, ok? What do you say to Old Country Buffet? At noon?
MONA
[Pleadingly]
BUT DORIS!!
DORIS
Ok, sounds good, see you tomorrow, noon it is. Goodbye now!
[We see Doris exit stage left, and Mona slumps down into her green chair even further]
PUMPKIN
Well, lady, your friends can’t hear me, and maybe you are crazy, you know…
[As Pumpkin continues to babble Mona drifts off into a deep slumber]
[Blackout]
[We see Mona stir slightly as she begins to wake, her precious cat Pumpkin still in her lap]
MONA
[Glances at the clock. Its red somber letters read 8:54 am]
Well, wasn’t that a splendid dream? Oh you never would imagine, Pumpkin, you could talk and oh, it was so strange! Then the Nurse came by and oh so did Doris, and she made up this most wonderful tale about taking me to the insane asylum! Me! Oh can you imagine? She said the Nurse was to meet me here at nine, oh how silly. I will never drink that much before bed again!
[Pumpkin jumps off her lap and begins to walk away. Just as he does, we hear the doorbell ring, and a sharp knock on the door.]
NURSE
[through the door]
Hello? Mona, are you here? I am here for our meeting!
PUMPKIN
[Quietly, almost non coherent again]
Oh shut up you crazy lady!
4 comments:
Great story! I like the interactions between the characters and the interruptions in conversation is very natural. You need to have the names of characters mentioned in the description before, such as [MONA is an elderly lady...] and their names need to be centered. Other wise the plot was really funny!
i thought this was pretty funny.
i got thrown off by how mean the cat was though! i was expecting it to be nice and gentle...but no! lol.
I like the ending. It's unexpected. At first, I thought it was all a dream but you showed me. And the nurse thinking she was crazy. Ha! Great play.
this all seems so realistic. even the cat talking seems natural. i like it.
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